Depression: stopping the downward spiral
I hear often that if things are just rotten to change the focus,and look for stuff to be grateful for.
Who ever said that is not experiencing my life.
There are times if you are truely depressed when you dont want to feel good. It feels fake to say I want to be happy, because the truth is that when your depressed, wanting to be happy is second to wanting to be dead.
There has to be something that stops the domino effect without the feeling to want to be happy. When Im feeling bad, its more truthful to say I just dont want to feel this way anymore. If I force myself to say that I wish to be happy, I feel like Im lying.
These last few weeks have been challenging.
My children were very ill, one couldnt get his breath and was taken to the ER. I eventually caught pansinusitis and just didnt want to try to be positive.
It forced me to think about the downward spiral, feeling out of control, and how I intuitively feel like there is something meant to reverse it when feelings cant be reached for upliftment.
I mean, its one thing to try to uplift someone sad, quite another to try to uplift someone who couldnt care less. Numb. Over it.
So then I think about some of the things I learned about not telling it like it is, and telling it the way you want it to be.
Very do-able if you are NOT “depressed” but in need of changing bad situations. You dont want it to be like anything while depressed.
Anyhoo, I came to bed last night pretty clogged (pansinusitis is pressure,sneezing blood and hearing the ocean in your ears all day )and Who’s Line Is It Anyway was on.
Ive seen it a ton of times and this particular episode was so funny that show-members were crying.
I laughed every minute or so.
Woke up this morning clear .
So now I am trying to find the breaks on the spiral downwards, and the release to the upward direction. If we wait till we have to make a concious choice to be happy, we can wait for lifetimes.
Maybe in an atmosphere of suffering there could be a learned response that acts like a slap out of it.
Like…. “Okay this is how Im feeling and I cant stop feeling this way and Im aware that I have zero desire to feel anything so while I am thinking of it i must <insert whatever puts breaks on> and then maybe I will want to improve my situation and feel hope.
Through trial and error Im confident I will find something that works. It feels like its probably an answer that is different for everyone.
Hey Lor
Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and we miss you over at the forum. I have never blogged before so have patience with me LOL.
I am sorry you are going through such a bad time right now and I know sometimes it dosnt feel like it but ” this to shall pass”
I wish there was great words of wisdom that I could tell you to help you feel better but there isnt. I have been depressed in the past and people have given me advice and tried to make me be happy but it just made it worse and made me sort of pull back into myself more. For me it was sort of like being in a small dark tunnel that was just closing in more and more. There is a light at the end of that tunnel but you have to pass through the tunnel to get to it. You feel so alone but once you make it through you find all the ones who love you standing there and you realize they have been there all along.
You are a smart, strong, deep, kind hearted beutiful women. I have never met you in person but I know this just from reading your posts in the forum. There is a chrisma and kindness that alway’s shines through. It will shine again when the time is right. If you dont want to feel that way right now dont push it or try to force the feeling. Those feeling will come when you are ready to feel them again. So I am not going to tell you to “feel happy” because I have found that true happiness comes from the ability to acknowledge your unhappiness. Only by acknowledging it can we change it. These are your feelings and they are important and you have the right to feel them. So take time to feel them and time to heal them and when you do happiness will be so much more then it ever was before.
Know that we Love you girly, Talk to you soon.
Liz (tish)
We could never learn to be brave and patient if there was only joy in the world (Helen Keller)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall. (Confucius)
i appreciate the thoughts Liz.
Happiness cant happen if you cant breathe.
My blog will evolve into ways to keep spiraling from happening, because I do infact believe its possible. I dont however believe anyone has the answer to date, which is why there are antidepressant usage out there. Antidepressants are the only tool people have to work with, and I wont take them. They cant stop my family from dying and from babies getting sick , and thats what Im dealing with. Too much going on at once.