Is it brain chemistry ? Telepathy ? Who is tuned in ?
Ever feel like your going crazy, cant quite mistake it for an anxiety attack because you have had those before and this is a bit different….
I actually entertained the idea that I am going through the change early, or that this was totally hormonal.
Unfortuantely none of those things pan-out according to docs …. no physical issues what so ever in addition to the feeling, and besides, that would be too easy.
Anyway, my head is filled with memories of a million little things said by people I know, some by strangers, some memories being just stuff thats happened to me that I thought was weird at the time, and really ought NOT to be claiming space in my brain at all.
Except they do.
There is a connection between ALL of them that I am only just seeing recently, and the realization of this is really messing with me .
Imagine for a minute your taking a walk or driving someplace you always go. Your familiar with your surroundings and today doesnt feel different from yesterday, except your humoring the idea that anyone you may meet from now on may be a potential best-friend, employer, president,ect.
This idea morphs into a vague “anyone has the potential for anything, and theres so much I dont know that I wish I did know…. and what if what if what if what if …….. ”
Well, at this point something pops on the inside of me and I begin understanding how everything is connecting to everything else.
I cant sleep, because now my head is going a million miles a minute and I need to unplug.
Whats the first thing I do?
Turn on the TV.
Only now, TV shows and themes are coincidentally based on the weirdness going on in my mind.
Shut that nonsense off and read a book, I think.
Only now the books I have from years ago that I wasnt really into before,suddenly have EVERYTHING to do with NOW and that in of itself is freaking me out.
TRY TRY TRY to sleep.
I wake up and decide I am NOT going to let this absorb me.
Time to take the kids to school.
My son starts asking profound questions, about life, alternate realities, and why it isnt openly discussed.
I am thinking no no no, not today.
I am wanting to slow down and unplug, we will talk about it another time.
I get into the truck to drive them to school, and the music on the radio could not have been more appropriately tuned in to the ongoing theme of weirdness.
Favorite songs of people who have passed away are playing so I try changing the station, only to hear more songs with stronger messeges than the first.
Its GOT to be me,right?
Im going crazy.
The idea I am trying to convey is that prior to the “pop”, my lecture to others going through something similar is “tune out…. mellow out, grab a cup of tea, watch or listen to something distracting, take a walk…”
Im basically saying UMM, NO, you cannot tune-out.
Once your popped, you cant unpop.
Everywhere I go, everything I see, even when I sleep, Im tuned in.
Its like downloading information nonstop without a break if you want one.
Once your antennae are up, they dont come down.
And what I want to know (although I know the answer I think) is that if your picking up information readily from all around you, does that mean your broadcasting louder too?
Was I invisible before, and now suddenly Im broadcasting a signal?
Geesh, holy paranoia !
I look at people different, Im not thinking about dinner, schedules,errands, tomorrow….
Im thinking OMG, who else is thinking what Im thinking?
Who hears me, who cares, and why do I care?
Anyone going through anything remotely similar feel free to reply.
